Be who you think you are.

It is so unfortunate that we are all so wrapped up in our own lives to see outside of what we have going on. We tend to put our needs and wants first, which isn't a bad or negative thing, but it makes it difficult for us to have perspective and be objective when the people we love are also going through rough or stressful times. We all like to believe we would be there for our friends and family under any circumstance, but sometimes that is just a nice thought. Plans get canceled, people bail or flake, no one is able to help you move or pack or take care of whatever business you need help with because they have their own issues. It's easy to think we are all such helpful, wonderful people. I am guilty of thinking I would always be available for anyone who needed my help; physically, verbally, mentally, etc. So many times I have chosen not to attend a lunch or birthday party or coffee date or whatever because in my mind, what I need to get done takes precedence.

I guess what I am getting at is that I am wanting to be who I am in my mind. I want to be theoretical Lindsey. I want to go to every social event I am invited to even if I am a little tired, reach out to my friends before I know something is wrong or if they are having a long week, take that extra 10 minutes to call my parents and see how they are doing, finish that letter I've been meaning to send to my grandma, put together that get well soon basket for my sister who has been feeling under the weather, etc.

Becoming a mom has really changed me. I wake up every day, kiss my baby and my guy, and truly strive to be the best person i can be that day. Yes, just that day. I have always been horrible at planning my week, month, year, 5 years, and of course my famous 10 year plan that failed about 9.5 years ago. Trying to focus on each day and the good I can make in just one day has made life so much easier. I feel less stressed and it's no wonder I do. I was worried about bridges before I even tried to cross them (This is turning into another topic so let me redirect this).

I've been trying to come up with a short list of what I think would make me a "good person"... Everything I was coming up with reminded me of people I love and care about. It got me thinking and what kind of stuck was figuring out how to be more accepting and merciful when I am feeling judgmental. I think it is easy to show mercy to people we like and those in need. However, we should also be able to demonstrate mercy and kindness to those we don't feel so warm and fuzzy about.

Another thing I think would be beneficial to my journey and maybe yours is being more open and honest in all relationships. When I have issues with someone I try to bury them and just get over it because I hate being upset, but of course they creep back into my mind and I dwell on whatever wrong doing I think they did and I'm not truly over it. The word "confrontational" comes to mind but I think it has bad connotations. I want to feel more comfortable talking to people about my feelings towards their words or actions without worrying how they will react. Again, my constant need to plan everything in my life includes imagining how conversations will go before actually having them. All in all, be honest about how you feel and stay strong when you’ve committed to a stance.

Compliments. This is something I am terrible at when it comes to receiving. A therapist my husband once talked to told him it will be easier to give compliments when he has learned how to accept them and choose to believe in them. Good people understand that others need praise. Complimenting is not only a good thing to do because it makes them feel good, but it is a sign that we can be excited for other people’s triumphs and general good news. Compliment when deserved, but offer constructive criticism when warranted. That second part can be tricky. I think that one is harder to learn when it is appropriate.

Being generous with what you have. By that I don't mean you physically have to give the shirt off your back (although shout to my friend Sandra for literally taking her shirt off to give to another friend with a bloody nose), a truly good person in my eyes is willing to share their wealth and not just monetarily. We need to understand that the things we possess and the money we accumulate are not worth much without people to indulge in it with. You also don’t have to be a bleeding heart, giving away everything you've worked hard for; rather, be open and generous to those less fortunate in a time of need. I try to pay for a friend's lunch, drink, fuel, etc, when I can because they took time out of their schedule to spend with me. That means a lot to me because I understand just how hectic life can be. I'm not trying to boast about doing a good deed, more like showing little ways I have learned to show people their time is valuable and appreciated. Cards, thoughtful texts, hugs because I'm a hugger, or a phone call works just as well!

Lastly, consistency. I want to make a positive impression of my character on every person who meets me. By being consistent in what we do and believe, we will ensure we will always put our best foot forward and treat every person and situation the same. People like consistency, especially when it comes to people they are in relationships and friendships with. Consistency and communication are so vital in maintaining good relationships. "In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently." -Anthony Robbins

I think that about covers it... For now. A little lengthy and unorganized, so I apologize. I am open to any and all questions, criticism, comments, etc. so let me know what you're thinking!
For more personal communication: lindseyleray@hotmail.com