the wiggliest journey.

Growing up I always knew I wanted a huge family, but I never really pictured how it would all happen. Throughout high school and early college life became a lot more clear. I learned who I wanted to be, what I was going to do, and I sort of had a plan as to how I would give myself everything I wanted. When Scott, my best friend first and now my fiancé, returned from his first deployment in Iraq, I knew that big things were coming. He makes me laugh a little louder, breathe a little easier and live a little better. We became best friends in high school for a reason and now I knew why. We have the same life goals and dreams. After a few years of dating we were preparing for his second deployment. I was nervous but I knew we could do it. Weeks before he left we got the biggest news of our lives; I was 7 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend was about to head off to war in Afghanistan and I am pregnant. Terrified didn't even begin to describe it. I had no idea how I would tell Scott, let alone go through a pregnancy and raising a baby without him. I finally told Scott and it seemed as though the world stopped spinning. He made me forget every fear, worry and ounce of doubt I had disappear. The look on his face reassured me that this was going to be our greatest journey together. One simple facial expression ignited the fire in our relationship all over again. This was it. We were finally about to get what we wanted. A sad send off, weekly phone calls, care packages monthly, and 31 and a half weeks later the tiniest, sweetest, most beautiful baby made his arrival. The moment he was born we immediately made eye contact and I fell absolutely in love. There is no possible way to describe the feeling of meeting your baby for the first time. As if that moment couldn't get any better, he is a spitting image of his father. This itty bitty little human is now my lifeline to Scott. His lips, his smile, his deep brown eyes and the way he sleeps with them partially open, Maximus Leroy Rathburn is exactly like Scott and I was elated.
People always made me feel like getting pregnant and being pregnant were awful. They make you think you double your body weight, you'll be sick 24/7, you'll forget things often, your body will ache, your head will throb, and I just wasn't sure I would be able to handle all of that. WRONG. Well there is some truth to that but it is all up to your body. Yes I gained some weight and yes I didn't feel 100% all the time but it was never as bad as people made me believe. Once week 19 rolled around and I finally felt this womb raider kick, it was all worth it. Pregnancy wasn't my favorite but gosh, those little kicks and punches were incredible. I would lay in my bed any chance I got waiting for this tiny creature to communicate with me. Then the end of the third trimester came and those "little movements" had me right on the edge of peeing my pants! I would hold my hands on my tummy and pretend he was high fiving me! I was getting so impatient. I wanted to meet him right away and soon enough, he came into this world bright eyed and beautiful.
Once I was discharged from the hospital I was so nervous. How was I going to do this without Scott? Was I ever going to get to sleep? What if he gets sick? Was breastfeeding going to work for me? My advice now to anyone who is pregnant or trying to get pregnant, take a breath and believe in maternal instincts. Maybe I got an easy baby or maybe my calm personality kept him calm but you can do it! There are times where I'm getting up a few times each night to nurse him and there are times where I just hold him and stare at him for hours at a time. Creation truly is so amazing. I get an overwhelming satisfaction taking care of Maximus and being all I can be for him. He needs me to be the best mother I can be and that is all I think about.
Becoming a mom completely changed my world. My life started the day he was born and I feel as though I am finally doing what I love. I always told Scott that I couldnt imagine being a stay at home mom because that's what he wanted and pictured me doing, but now it seems like one of the most brilliant jobs in the world.